It's getting close Christmas, and among nerds that can only end up in some teachings about the relation between a scientific giant and the old Christian holiday which celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ. Or does it?
Leonard, Penny and Sheldon just finished watching The Grinch. Realist as he his, Sheldon had a few words to say about the returning of presents and saving Christmas. And then...
Leonard: When we watch Frosty the Snowman he roots for the sun...
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the sun is essential to all live on earth. Frosty is merely a bit of frozen supernatural ephemera in a stolen hat. A crime, by the way, for which he is never brought to account.
Leonard: (sings) La la la la la la la, la la
Just before the next bit, Leonard told Penny that they never had a Christmas tree when he was young. Their traditions were more scientific in nature and included writing papers followed by criticizing each other's work.
Penny: Sheldon what about you, did you have a Christmas tree?
Sheldon: Oh yes. We had a tree, we had a manger, we had an inflatable Santa Claus with plastic reindeer on the front lawn. And to make things even more jolly, there were so many blinking lights on the house the induced neighbourhood wide ceisures.
Penny: So I take it you don't wanna help us trim the tree?
Sheldon: I do not, but if you insist on decorating a spider infested fire-hazard in my home I would request that you add this.
Penny: What is it?
Sheldon: You're kidding, right? It's a bust of Sir Isaac Newton.
Penny: Oh, sure sure. Very christmassy.
Sheldon: Wait. Excuse me. But it's much more christmassy than any of the things you've put on the tree!
Penny and Leonard, of course, have decorated the tree with the typical Christmas balls.
Leonard: Here we go!
Sheldon: December 25th, 1642 Julian calendar Sir Isaac Newton is born. Jesus on the other hand was actually born in the summer. His birthday was moved to coincide with the traditional pagan holiday that celebrated the winter solstice with lit fires and slaughtered goats. Which frankly sounds like more fun than twelve hours of Church with my mother followed by a fruitcake.
Leonard: Marry Newton-miss everyone!
Sheldon just revealed to Penny that Leonard's mother (Beverly) is coming for Christmas - tomorrow! While Leonard tries to come up with words to make this sound better than it is, blunt object Sheldon explains in many more words that Leonard is probably afraid that his mother doesn't like him having a dumb girlfriend.
Sheldon: (..) who's biggest achievement is memorizing the menu from the cheesecake factory.
Penny: It's a big menu. There's two pages just for deserts.
Leonard: I know! And those specials, they change every day.
Penny: Ok. You know what. It's lame when I say it, it's just ridiculous when you pile on.
The quarrel continues...
Penny: So, what did she say when you told her we were going out?
Penny: You didn't tell her we were going out, did you?
Penny: Why not?
Sheldon: Leonard, I'm no expert on meditation but if you're trying to calm yourself down I believe the word is "Ohm"
Beverly: Did I thank you for the flowers?
Sheldon: You did.
Beverly: I don't really like flowers
Sheldon: Neither do I, but it's the social convention.
Beverly: It is, (atomically small giggle) isn't it.
Sheldon and Leonard's mother explain to Leonard why Sheldon knows more about that's going on in her live than Leonard himself. And how they tend to discuss his unresolved childhood issues.
Sheldon: Although how we got on the subject of you is baffling.
Beverly: Yes, but we are on the subject so I'm obliged to ask: Leonard, how are you?
Leonard: Fine mum, how are you?
Beverly: Hmm, menopausal.
Leonard avoided a direct question about whether or not he's currently seeing somebody.
Beverly: I will just pretend that Leonard is not withholding information. Although I will point out, Leonard, that I am a trained psychiatrist and you are exhibiting the same secretive behavioural tics that accompanied your learning to masturbate.
Sheldon: Isn't she brilliant, Leonard. How I envy you!
The embarrassment continues at home.
Beverly: So Howard, have you and Raj finally summoned the courage to express your latent homosexual feelings towards one and other.
Raj & Howard: (Both make various sounds which remind of the word no)
Leonard: (Smiles like a kid on his birthday)
Howard: What no!
Beverly: Why not?
Howard: Because we don't have latent homosexual feelings towards one and other.
Beverly: I see (smiles a tiny smile)
Howard: No, really. I have a girlfriend, now.
Beverly: And where is she, this evening?
Howard: She had to go out of town. Her grandmother died.
Beverly: I see. Her grandmother died (with that: "yeah sure" tone of voice people know better than to believe what was said use)
Howard: Egsk. Leonard. Tell her I have a girlfriend
Leonard: I don't know what you're talking about.
(.. Howard keeps defending the truth for a bit, not so interesting to read here .. )
Beverly: Howard, keep in mind that the more passionately you stick to this construct the more you're hurting your partner.
Leonard: Mother, you remember Penny?
Beverly: Oh yes, the waitress slash actress with the unresolved father issues. Has he finally come to terms with his little slugger growing breasts?
Penny: Well he sent me a football and a catcher's mitt for Christmas so I'm gonna say no!
Howard: (points at himself and Raj) If it helps, we're all good with your breasts
Raj: (can't speak, ladies on the room - but gives the double thumbs up)
Beverly: Classic overcompensation
In a joint effort, Sheldon and Beverly have just been informing Leonard about a few rather shocking changes in his mother's live and - in the case of his dog - lack thereof.
Leonard: I don't believe this!! Why am I the last to know?!?
Beverly: Excuse me Leonard. I am the one who is getting a divorce. Mitsy is the one who is dead why are you the one making a fuss?
Leonard: You're right. I'm sorry. I'm waaaaaaaay out of line!
After some bonding over a few dozen too many shots, Beverly had finally come to like Penny. But respect is still a bit too much to ask...
Beverly: I want you to take very good care of this young woman.
Penny: Owhh, thank you Beverly!
Beverly: You're welcome. She doesn't have much in the way of career prospects. Don't make her responsible for her own orgasms as well.
Leonard: Mother, remember when I was complaining that you don't communicate with me enough?
Beverly: Yes dear.
Leonard: I'm over it.
Penny: La la la la la la la