From Season 3, episode 9
Not one of my favourite episodes. It was ok, but there wasn't this great pool of quotes to quote from. I found two:
Penny: Why are you back from your date so early?
Howard: In romance, as in show business, always leave them wanting more?
Penny: What exactly does that mean?
Leonard: He struck out
Sheldon: What are you talking about?
Leonard: The cultural paradigm in what people have sex after three dates.
Sheldon: I see... Now, are we talking "date" the social interaction, or "dade" the dried fruit
From Season 3, episode 10
This one will go into my books as an ultimate classic. At some point I had to stop writing, otherwise I'd overdo it.
A bit of introduction is needed here. Howard is the geekiest of all four, and a couple of episodes ago he got himself a girlfriend; Bernadette. The whole episode through he introduces her to anybody who may or may not are a tiny rats ass as "This is my girlfriend Bernadette". He must be really happy with her ;-).
Bernadette: (sits in Sheldon's spot)
All: Nooooo nooo
Penny: Oh yeah, you can't sit there?
Bernadette: Why not?
Leonard: That's where Sheldon sits..
Bernadette: He can't sit somewhere else?
Penny: Oh no. You see, in the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator so that he's warm yet not so close that he sweats. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by opening the windows there (points) and there (points again). It faces the television at an angle that isn't direct so you can still talk to everybody yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted.
Everybody: (silence and awe)
Sheldon: Hmm, perhaps there's hope for you after all.
Bernadette: Oeh, I love your shoes!
Penny: Oh thanks, they are cute aren't they?
Bernadette: Where'd you get um?
Penny: Shoes for less
Bernadette: I've been meaning to go over there
Penny: Oh, great selection - great prices!
Sheldon: My mother was right, hell is real!
Bernadette: Don't take him seriously, a lot of what he says is intended as humor
Penny: Yeah, well - I don't think it's very funny!
Bernadette: Neither do I, but he just lights up when I laugh.
Penny: Howard, never let her go!
Sheldon: (writes) Research journal. Entry one. I'm about to embark on one of the great challenges of my scientific career. Teaching penny physics. I'm calling it: Project Gorilla
Penny: (enters) Hey Sheldon!
Sheldon: Come in. Take a seat.
Sheldon: (writes) Subject has arrived.I've extended a friendly, casual greeting.
Penny: Ready to get started?
Sheldon: (writes) Subject appears to be well rested and enthusiastic. Apparently ignorance is bliss.
Sheldon: Yes, penny?
Penny: Ehmm, does this have anything to do with Leonard's work?
Sheldon: This, is the beginning of the twenty-six-hundred years journey we're going to take together from: The ancient Greeks, through Isaac Newton to Niels Bohr to Erwin Schrodinger to the Dutch researchers that Leonard is currently ripping off.
Penny: I have to go to the bathroom
Sheldon: Can't you hold it?
Penny: Tot for 2600 years
Sheldon: (writes) Project Gorilla entry two. I'm exhausted
(Howard and Bernadette are in bed, Howard has just been trying to open her bra at the back - until Bernadette shows mercy and tells him the clip is at the front)
Howard's mum: Howard, I'm home.
Howard: Off course..
Howard's mum: Senior fitness was cancelled. It turns out, you can forget how to ride a bike. I'm fine, but oi did Sam Harpoudi eat gravel
(Sheldon continues Project Gorilla; teaching Penny something about physics so she can impress her boyfriend Leonard)
Sheldon: There is no need to feel frustrated. People learn at different rates. ..... Unlike objects falling in a vacuum which....?
Penny: (looks confused)
Penny: Ohhhh, then I don't know (bursts in tears)
Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid and that makes me sad.
Penny: Ok, look, can we just please forget about all this extra stuff and can you just tell me what Leonard does?
Sheldon: Alright. Leonard is attempting to learn why sub-atomic particles move the way they do.
Penny: Really? That's it? That doesn't sound so complicated.
Sheldon: It's not. That's why Leonard does it.
Bernadette: (to Howard) Ohh, come here - tushy face
Leonard: Tushy face, that is going on Twitter right now
It needs to be mentioned that there are no quotes from Rajesh this time. Well, with Howard now also having a girlfriend there are too many female species around for him to be able to speak.